That sums up to 4760 hours I had studied in the past 10 months.
8A's for SPM, current ATAR for AUSMAT is 92, don't smoke, don't drink, strict moral values and had never done a single bad thing. I am every parent's desired child.
So today, thinking it would be an okay day, judging that tomorrow's the first day of exam, just when thought going back home was Heaven, you know, my bed. No, what came next was fright night. I got scolding just because I didn't know there was porridge for breakfast today. Dad kept talking about how I wasted money, like how I wasted a chicken drumstick, rice and RM10 today for that bland porridge. He says how much of a disappointment this is to him, wasting money. He kept on babbling about me following my mother's footstep, thinking that 'can waste whenever and whatever I want' and all that. He kept on talking about a lot of things that I'm betting 100% he didn't realise he's just the same person as I am. So many things, unrelated, related, completely a different story, he talked about.
Here's a clarification, I could not remember there was porridge, did not see it, did not hear it from anyone in my house at that point of time.
He even talked about all this and because of all this he is broke.
Being broke is a story that tells people you're not very successful. Don't blame it on me or anyone else.
So let me repeat, I have moderately-excellent grades, I am a child most parents would want because I am obedient and I study effortlessly hard and I just do it because I know it is right.
But you know, to them, to their miniature naive eyes, I'll just never be good enough. Why? Simple. When people see something better, they go for it.
Grew up in a broken family, past 18 years of my life was mostly filled of screams and rants and arguments.
I look forward to the day where I will shout back at them and tell them I'm not their toy or their dog. I don't get scolded when they want too and not because I am easily bullied or so.
He was telling me that I should take what I'm given, eat what I'm given and not complain at all. Sounds like a dog enough right.
18 years of my life taught me that parents should never be parents when they can't be parents. To their child, they are the symbol of failure to keep their marriage together. To their child, they are the symbol of fear and torment. To their child, they are the disgrace of all human beings and all of their descendants.
"The cause of all demons and sins is you and yourself. Blame no one, speak no one and say no one."